i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
