I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
