I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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