i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
