Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
