Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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