Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
