You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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