I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
