I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
