I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
