ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
