found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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