my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
