"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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