i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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