if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
