Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize