I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
