I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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