remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
