I think I died a long time ago.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
