Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
