Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
