I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
