Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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