Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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  (720): I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare. http://tfl.nu/5d0o
  Replies (3) Good night (1191) Bad night (744)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?

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  (541): In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it? http://tfl.nu/ati9
  Replies (6) Good night (976) Bad night (1427)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2387) Bad night (4596)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

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  (540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride http://tfl.nu/utbu
  Replies (47) Good night (1129) Bad night (7662)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?

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  (509): why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings? http://tfl.nu/epiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1115) Bad night (3305)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.

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  (515): Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas. http://tfl.nu/4rik
  Replies (59) Good night (2219) Bad night (6886)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.

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  (360): He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured. http://tfl.nu/js6x
  Replies (63) Good night (5679) Bad night (1048)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

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  (515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5
  Replies (18) Good night (3808) Bad night (2158)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

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  (902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp
  Replies (16) Good night (5191) Bad night (1131)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.

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  (901): Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement. http://tfl.nu/kvvh
  Replies (8) Good night (2381) Bad night (1256)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.

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  (484): pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you. http://tfl.nu/yyvw
  Replies (2) Good night (1680) Bad night (645)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.

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  (615): Please high five our old drug dealer for me please. http://tfl.nu/fpo5
  Replies (2) Good night (1691) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.

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  (416): I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined. http://tfl.nu/slim
  Replies (8) Good night (1533) Bad night (496)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.

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  (802): all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that. http://tfl.nu/3y8k
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.

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  (425): Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink. http://tfl.nu/8c1k
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (224)

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