yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
