She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
