Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs