just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?