she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!