party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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