I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
