It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
