So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
