Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
