apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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