just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
