My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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