So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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