please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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