O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
