Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dick very happy bro
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
