how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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