Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
