That's when you crack a 10am beer
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're like the curious george of whores
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
