I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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