I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
