Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
