You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
