My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
