1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
