our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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