Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
