So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
