She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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