If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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