i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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