why didn't you poke me back
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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