why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
