dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
