if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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