All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
