woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize