I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
