I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
