He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
