She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
