My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
