FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
