also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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