the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
