I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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